Monday, February 14, 2011
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Caps Lock: An Overview
When I was first introduced to computers, and more specifically the keyboard, the caps lock button always stood out. If you look at the keyboard, it sticks out. It's aligned to the left, it's larger than the letter keys, and it has the word "lock" on it, and "lock" is, and has always been, a cool fucking word. When I first learned to type, I would hit that button whenever I wanted to type a capital letter, and I would hit it again when I wanted to type lowercase. I did this until I came to learn that the shift key performed the same function, and I only had to hit it once, which improved my typing speed (I'm still in grade school at this point). This is a significant, because this is the exact time that the caps lock key became obsolete to me, the everyday computer user.
Now, I understand that it's probably useful for programmers, who might have to type long sequences of code in capital letters, and don't feel like holding shift down, presumably because their other hand is holding a 24oz Code Red Mountain Dew. Or maybe a Bawls. I get that. But having that key readily available on a keyboard has bred a generation of internet fuckwads, who type every sentence with caps lock enabled. And unapologetically, at that. And I know I'm not the only person who has the piss annoyed out of them by people like this.
Maybe I'm being unreasonable about this, but I doubt it. When I see something written in all capitals, I imagine that it's being screamed at me. Maybe that's because I read books when I was a kid (I imagine that people who utilize caps lock constantly didn't read much), whatever. But I don't like having things screamed at me. Can you imagine? If someone yelled everything that they had to say? If every thought was vocalized at the highest possible volume? What would that sound like?
It would sound like this.
Now, I understand that it's probably useful for programmers, who might have to type long sequences of code in capital letters, and don't feel like holding shift down, presumably because their other hand is holding a 24oz Code Red Mountain Dew. Or maybe a Bawls. I get that. But having that key readily available on a keyboard has bred a generation of internet fuckwads, who type every sentence with caps lock enabled. And unapologetically, at that. And I know I'm not the only person who has the piss annoyed out of them by people like this.
Maybe I'm being unreasonable about this, but I doubt it. When I see something written in all capitals, I imagine that it's being screamed at me. Maybe that's because I read books when I was a kid (I imagine that people who utilize caps lock constantly didn't read much), whatever. But I don't like having things screamed at me. Can you imagine? If someone yelled everything that they had to say? If every thought was vocalized at the highest possible volume? What would that sound like?
It would sound like this.In chatrooms and other internet forums, there's a saying "CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL", which is used to mock fuckheads that type entire posts in caps. My best interpretation of this would be that the poster believes that using caps lock will make his post more meaningful, or "cooler". And since caps lock keeps everything you type in caps, it keeps the post at a certain level of "coolness", in much the same way that cruise control keeps your car at a certain speed. So saying that "CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL" would be like saying that using caps lock ensures that your post is worthwhile and meaningful. Or whoever first said it could have used the term "cruise control" simply for the alliteration. I don't know. Internet history tends to get lost in the shuffle.
The moral of the story here, folks? Don't type everything in caps. It makes you look douchey, arrogant, and uneducated.
How the cast of Jersey Shore would type, if they knew how to read.
The moral of the story here, folks? Don't type everything in caps. It makes you look douchey, arrogant, and uneducated.
How the cast of Jersey Shore would type, if they knew how to read.Thursday, January 21, 2010
Andy Chapman: Really?
The Lockport Union Sun & Journal wrote an interesting little article today regarding the vote on extending the contract for the Molson Canal Concert Series. For any out-of-towners who might stumble upon my little space here, this is a free concert series that plays every Friday in downtown Lockport, and actually attracts some big names (in 2009 they brought in Charlie Daniels, The Cult, and Our Lady Peace, just to name a few) and crowds (the Our Lady Peace show reportedly drew more than 30,000 people, which is one of the reasons I thought Jim's Steak Out should be placed downtown). All told, it's a great thing for my little town to have. It brings interest, and it brings the bars and restaurants money. It fills hotel rooms. Even to the most untrained eye, it is unquestionably a good thing for the city of Lockport.
Yeah, people like it.
But for some reason, Andy Champan (Alderman, R-4th ward and self-professed Christian) was one of two members who voted "no" to the contract extension for the series. So what, you ask, makes a man vote against something that is unquestionably a positive for his city? Because one of the promoters of the series, Kathy Paradowski, is a minor owner in a gentleman's club, and he does not believe that the city should stand to do business with someone who "exploits women". He went on to say that his vote is "based on a moral stance", and that he wanted to delay the vote so that he could dig a little further into Paradowski's activities.
And so I say: Really, Andy Chapman? I'm all for knowing who you're getting into bed with, but let's be serious. She is a minor (less than 20% owner) of a gentleman's club. She's not a drug dealer. She's not doing anything illegal. She isn't even managing the club. Who cares? She also owns a restaurant, Syro's in Lewiston. Are you going to boycott that because of her business parterships? If you want to do that yourself, that's your decision. However, when you're a member of the Common Council, you're not just acting on behalf of yourself. You have a population of people that elected you to represent them, and trust me, not everyone shared your irrational fear of strip club owners. I'm just glad that the other larger figures agree with me and that Chapman is in the minority.
Look, if you want to be religious, that's your right. But you have to be able to put aside your religious beliefs if you're in politics, and take an objective look at things. Even if Paradowski ran the lowest sort of strip club you can imagine, and did it on her own, the fact would remain that a) what she's doing is very legal, and b) she has been very good at promoting a series that has been very good for the city of Lockport. And this series doesn't deserve to be threatened because of Andy Chapman's moral code. So please, Andy Chapman, if you can't check your religious beliefs at the door and do your job like a responsible politician, then get out of politics. In the meantime, quit threatening my city because of your "morality". If I want someone's religion pushed on me, I'll start listening to that group of people on the corner telling me how I'm going to hell because I like to go to concerts. Who knows, maybe I'll see you handing out pamphlets with them this summer.
And for anyone who's curious, the second "no" vote was Jack Smith, who apparently doesn't have an issue with the concert series, but also didn't see a reason not to investigate further since the new contract doesn't kick in until 2011. The vote did pass, and the series will stay in Lockport through at least 2013.
Yeah, people like it.But for some reason, Andy Champan (Alderman, R-4th ward and self-professed Christian) was one of two members who voted "no" to the contract extension for the series. So what, you ask, makes a man vote against something that is unquestionably a positive for his city? Because one of the promoters of the series, Kathy Paradowski, is a minor owner in a gentleman's club, and he does not believe that the city should stand to do business with someone who "exploits women". He went on to say that his vote is "based on a moral stance", and that he wanted to delay the vote so that he could dig a little further into Paradowski's activities.
And so I say: Really, Andy Chapman? I'm all for knowing who you're getting into bed with, but let's be serious. She is a minor (less than 20% owner) of a gentleman's club. She's not a drug dealer. She's not doing anything illegal. She isn't even managing the club. Who cares? She also owns a restaurant, Syro's in Lewiston. Are you going to boycott that because of her business parterships? If you want to do that yourself, that's your decision. However, when you're a member of the Common Council, you're not just acting on behalf of yourself. You have a population of people that elected you to represent them, and trust me, not everyone shared your irrational fear of strip club owners. I'm just glad that the other larger figures agree with me and that Chapman is in the minority.
Look, if you want to be religious, that's your right. But you have to be able to put aside your religious beliefs if you're in politics, and take an objective look at things. Even if Paradowski ran the lowest sort of strip club you can imagine, and did it on her own, the fact would remain that a) what she's doing is very legal, and b) she has been very good at promoting a series that has been very good for the city of Lockport. And this series doesn't deserve to be threatened because of Andy Chapman's moral code. So please, Andy Chapman, if you can't check your religious beliefs at the door and do your job like a responsible politician, then get out of politics. In the meantime, quit threatening my city because of your "morality". If I want someone's religion pushed on me, I'll start listening to that group of people on the corner telling me how I'm going to hell because I like to go to concerts. Who knows, maybe I'll see you handing out pamphlets with them this summer.
And for anyone who's curious, the second "no" vote was Jack Smith, who apparently doesn't have an issue with the concert series, but also didn't see a reason not to investigate further since the new contract doesn't kick in until 2011. The vote did pass, and the series will stay in Lockport through at least 2013.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Jim's Steak Out is Coming
Hello again, everyone. Hope you had yourselves a merry little Christmas and a happy New Year. This Christmas, I got the best gift I could have ever asked for. Was it the turtle rock that's too small for my turtle? No. How about that digital camera? An excellent gift, but still not what I'm talking about, no. I'm talking about Jim's Steak Out coming to Lockport.
It's like the answer to my prayers.
It's like the answer to my prayers.To say that I am pleased with this development would be a massive understatement. I'm goddamned ecstatic about this. Jim's has, since I first tried myself a Hot Bleu three or four years ago at the recommendation of one Pat McDonald, been my favorite sub shop. I haven't been able to find a place that comes close. The subs can be pricey, but frankly, you get what you pay for. If I wanted a weak sub that tasted pretty bland, I'd hit up Subway for one of their $5 footlongs. This isn't Subway. It's Jim's Goddamned Steak Out. Chuck Norris would eat there. And he wouldn't even collapse the building afterward, because - and this is key - he would want to come back.
That thumbs up and winning smile means you can keep your ass.
That thumbs up and winning smile means you can keep your ass.Yes, another staple of Buffalonian cuisine, and possibly the one with the most quality, makes its way into my humble town. The Union Sun & Journal reports that the Lockport Jim's has a target date of January 18th for the grand opening. I might consider getting my tent out and camping in front of the store the night before so I can be the first to order, like the consumer whore that I am. But can you blame me? Now I can have hot, fresh Jim's on my lunch break! The days of driving 25 minutes with the sole objective of downing a tasty Jim's Stinger are over!
Om nom nom.
Om nom nom.Now, I have to admit the location is a bit suspect. If you know Lockport, it's going into the old Starbuck's location in the Office Max Plaza (you might still call it the K-Mark plaza like I do). That doesn't seem right to me. I believe, and at least one blogger agrees, that Jim's Steak Out looks weird in a plaza environment. It belongs in a more, shall we say, "urban" setting, like the locations on Elmwood and Chippewa. When I first heard the rumor, I figured it would go in near the Ulrich City Center, so it would be in close proximity to Gonzo's and Taboo, thus capturing the bar scene that other Jim's locations thrive under. It isn't, which is a little disappointing to me, but I'll get over the disappointment, largely because Lockport is going to have a Jim's Steak Out. And honestly, having it in the plaza makes it closer to my apartment. So every bit of this news is good news.
I do know one thing though: This development is going to ruin my New Year's resolution.
It's going to be like King Fupa and the Fupa Troopers all up in here.
I do know one thing though: This development is going to ruin my New Year's resolution.
It's going to be like King Fupa and the Fupa Troopers all up in here.Tuesday, December 15, 2009
My Lousy Upstairs Neighbor
So I have this upstairs neighbor. She's mid to late 50's, possibly mentally challenged, and possibly senile. She has an annoying habit of pounding on her floor whenever she thinks we're being too loud. The best part about this is that 90% of the time, we're not being too loud. Either that or it's early in the day when I should be making the most noise.
Like this guy, but a woman. Apparently she works at Wal*Mart.
Like this guy, but a woman. Apparently she works at Wal*Mart.But when we had our post-hockey party on Sunday, she was at it again, multiple times. And we're throwing a Christmas party this Saturday, with a bunch of people possibly coming. So, since she refuses to answer the door after her pounding acts, I had to write her a note, warning her about the party and telling her I won't be putting up with her shit come Saturday. Oh, and it's full of big(ger) words, to confuse her. And it goes something like this:
To our upstairs neighbors;
We will be having a gathering of close friends and family at our apartment on Saturday, December 19th, 2009. It will start at 8pm. I am writing this to give you due notice of the event, because you seem to take issue with the level of noise coming from our apartment at times.
I will have my guests remain cognizant of the fact that there are tenants occupying the upstairs apartment. As such, they will be asked to keep their voices at a reasonable speaking level. We will have Christmas music playing, and that too will be kept at a reasonable level. My dart board, which I know can be heard from your apartment, is not to be used past 10:30pm, which seems to me to be a reasonable hour on a Saturday. I will do my best to maintain a reasonable level of noise. However, similar efforts on my behalf have been wasted, and our very reasonable (and sometimes overly-reasonable) levels of noise has been considered to be offensive, as is evidenced by the pounding noises you send out to show your disapproval.
There have been countless occasions on which we have heard your disapproval of our noise level. However, on one particular occasion, I responded to your pounding with a friendly knock on the door, so that we could have a conversation and possibly work out a solution to our mutual annoyance. However, at that time, you did not answer your door, despite the fact that you were clearly home (you had pounded only seconds earlier). It is very clear to me that you are not interested in any sort of conversation or compromise to the situation. This also shows your refusal to take into account our experiences and our issues with the ways that you compose yourself. Due to your actions (and your lack of actions), I will say this:
We will have between 15-25 guests being merry, and I will keep the noise at a reasonable level. However, I will not ask my guests to whisper. I will not ask them to do anything less than a reasonable person would do at a social gathering. Do not pound on your floor; it will go unheeded. As I said, I will keep the volume at what I consider to be a reasonable level; you forfeited your opportunity to explain what a reasonable level is when you refused to answer your door. However, if you would like to take this opportunity to work on a solution, I would implore you to do so. You can feel free to call me at ***-****, so that we may set up a time to meet and talk about the situation. If you do not make contact, we will assume that you understand that we will continue to compose ourselves as we have been. The ball is officially in your court.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year,
Andy Taylor
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
It's Christmas Time Again
Well, it's about a week before Thanksgiving, and I'm pretty sure we all know what that means: Christmas starts to get laid on pretty thick. It's official. Egg nog is in stores. Star 102.5 has started their all Christmas music, all the time stretch, which I believe goes through New Year's day. Stores, obviously have had their Christmas displays out for at least two weeks already (some before Halloween), but they have all started stepping up their displays with Black Friday just ten days away. Lights are on houses. Decorations are up. I'm starting to think about getting my tree (actually, to be honest, I've been thinking about that since September). The season is upon us. Every year this time of year gets here, and every year I hear people who are surprised that it's here so early. People who are legitimately angry that it's here so early. And I honestly don't understand these folks.
Now granted, I love Christmas. It surpassed Halloween as my favorite holiday after I became too old to trick or treat, and it hasn't wavered. There's nothing on earth right now quite like the spirit of the Christmas season. Even if I have become pretty jaded with religion, I still love everything about Christmas. But don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those people that thinks it's OK to be Christmas all year wrong. I don't. Though I would probably like that, I'm not going to lie. But as a matter of principle, so that the Christmas season doesn't get stale, there needs to be a line drawn. And I don't have a problem with the line being a week or so before Thanksgiving.
When you think about it, it's the perfect time. From a marketing standpoint, it's a week or so before Black Friday, the circulars are going out, and it gets everybody thinking about Christmas, which feeds the collective seasonal desperation to find that one perfect gift. And the music? A lot of Christmas music is synonymous with Thanksgiving anyways, or is at least not Christmas-specific. "Baby it's cold outside" is one, and "Over the River and Through the Woods" (which is actually a Thanksgiving song anyways) is another. And the timing will leave Christmas about 5 weeks away, which is way closer than it sounds. Even if you hate seeing signs of Christmas life so early, you will keep hearing the songs and seeing the lights and eventually, when you're ready, you stop being a douche and start to enjoy the season. And for people like me, who wait for months to start hearing this, well, it gives us five or six good weeks to take it all in. So everyone, stop bitching to me whenever I start to hum a Christmas tune, or think out loud about when I'm going to get my tree (I'm thinking the weekend after Thanksgiving. Seriously) or when my phone rings and it's a Christmas carol (I will wait until after Thanksgiving for that, however. I need to use my Adam Sandler Turkey song ringtone and gobble text alert). I enjoy the hell out of this time of year. The season is starting, the excitement is here, don't ruin it for me.
The last thing I wanted to mention is regarding trees. I found this blog, which is basically about a new way to get your Christmas tree - online, through a company called Green Valley Christmas Trees. Seriously, internet? Look, I've been against fake trees since, well, forever. Not just because you can't experience that beautiful pine aroma, either. It's the whole experience, finding a good tree nursery, picking out that perfect tree, getting it wrapped up, on the car, through the door, and finally into the stand and standing upright. It might be a pain in the ass, but it's a fun pain in the ass. You can only do it once a year. With this, you pick out your tree online, it gets FedEx'd to your house, and someone takes it inside for you. Not only does this take all the work out of it, but there are a lot of intangibles in choosing a tree that you can't take into consideration when you're choosing online. You need to choose what side will be facing forward, you need to eye it up to see the trunk (measuring can only do so much), and you need to thoroughly inspect the trunk to make sure it's straight, and that it will fit in your stand, etc. And when you're ordering the tree on the site, you're given a general picture, not necessarily the one you'll be ordering. So you don't really know what you're getting. And the trees are really expensive. Shipping is free, which helps, but the cheapest tree on the site is $89.95. And it's only 3 feet tall. The taller trees go for between $150 and $250. I paid $40 for my 10 footer last year. They don't even have a tree that tall. Their best is 9 feet tall, and it's $244.99. It might work for the casual Christmas observer who wants to finally try a real tree, but I'm not a fan.
And in the blog, it has a poll asking if you would ever consider buying a tree online. I'm glad the majority sided with me (Never! It's sacrilegious, 58%), but I'm worried by the 33% who said "Why not? I order everything else online". And 9% said "I'll do anything to avoid another traumatic Christmas tree nursery incident". Traumatic Christmas tree nursery incident? What does that even mean? Does it mean your old man blew a flat on the way home from getting the tree, and when you went to help him you spilled the bolts and accidentally dropped the F-bomb?
Because that's not even the nursery's fault.
I will, however, concede the fact that this service is perfect for older folks who can't physically handle getting a real tree, and don't want to puss out and buy a fake, plastic, shitty one. But anyone who is physically able should get out off their asses and get their own real tree.
Well, that's all for today. If you've learned anything at all, it should have been "don't mess with my holiday". I'll try to write again before Thanksgiving, but if I don't, everyone have a safe and happy one.
When you think about it, it's the perfect time. From a marketing standpoint, it's a week or so before Black Friday, the circulars are going out, and it gets everybody thinking about Christmas, which feeds the collective seasonal desperation to find that one perfect gift. And the music? A lot of Christmas music is synonymous with Thanksgiving anyways, or is at least not Christmas-specific. "Baby it's cold outside" is one, and "Over the River and Through the Woods" (which is actually a Thanksgiving song anyways) is another. And the timing will leave Christmas about 5 weeks away, which is way closer than it sounds. Even if you hate seeing signs of Christmas life so early, you will keep hearing the songs and seeing the lights and eventually, when you're ready, you stop being a douche and start to enjoy the season. And for people like me, who wait for months to start hearing this, well, it gives us five or six good weeks to take it all in. So everyone, stop bitching to me whenever I start to hum a Christmas tune, or think out loud about when I'm going to get my tree (I'm thinking the weekend after Thanksgiving. Seriously) or when my phone rings and it's a Christmas carol (I will wait until after Thanksgiving for that, however. I need to use my Adam Sandler Turkey song ringtone and gobble text alert). I enjoy the hell out of this time of year. The season is starting, the excitement is here, don't ruin it for me.
The last thing I wanted to mention is regarding trees. I found this blog, which is basically about a new way to get your Christmas tree - online, through a company called Green Valley Christmas Trees. Seriously, internet? Look, I've been against fake trees since, well, forever. Not just because you can't experience that beautiful pine aroma, either. It's the whole experience, finding a good tree nursery, picking out that perfect tree, getting it wrapped up, on the car, through the door, and finally into the stand and standing upright. It might be a pain in the ass, but it's a fun pain in the ass. You can only do it once a year. With this, you pick out your tree online, it gets FedEx'd to your house, and someone takes it inside for you. Not only does this take all the work out of it, but there are a lot of intangibles in choosing a tree that you can't take into consideration when you're choosing online. You need to choose what side will be facing forward, you need to eye it up to see the trunk (measuring can only do so much), and you need to thoroughly inspect the trunk to make sure it's straight, and that it will fit in your stand, etc. And when you're ordering the tree on the site, you're given a general picture, not necessarily the one you'll be ordering. So you don't really know what you're getting. And the trees are really expensive. Shipping is free, which helps, but the cheapest tree on the site is $89.95. And it's only 3 feet tall. The taller trees go for between $150 and $250. I paid $40 for my 10 footer last year. They don't even have a tree that tall. Their best is 9 feet tall, and it's $244.99. It might work for the casual Christmas observer who wants to finally try a real tree, but I'm not a fan.
And in the blog, it has a poll asking if you would ever consider buying a tree online. I'm glad the majority sided with me (Never! It's sacrilegious, 58%), but I'm worried by the 33% who said "Why not? I order everything else online". And 9% said "I'll do anything to avoid another traumatic Christmas tree nursery incident". Traumatic Christmas tree nursery incident? What does that even mean? Does it mean your old man blew a flat on the way home from getting the tree, and when you went to help him you spilled the bolts and accidentally dropped the F-bomb?
Because that's not even the nursery's fault.I will, however, concede the fact that this service is perfect for older folks who can't physically handle getting a real tree, and don't want to puss out and buy a fake, plastic, shitty one. But anyone who is physically able should get out off their asses and get their own real tree.
Well, that's all for today. If you've learned anything at all, it should have been "don't mess with my holiday". I'll try to write again before Thanksgiving, but if I don't, everyone have a safe and happy one.
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