Pictures of Casey that I need to host

Caps Lock: An Overview

When I was first introduced to computers, and more specifically the keyboard, the caps lock button always stood out. If you look at the keyboard, it sticks out. It's aligned to the left, it's larger than the letter keys, and it has the word "lock" on it, and "lock" is, and has always been, a cool fucking word. When I first learned to type, I would hit that button whenever I wanted to type a capital letter, and I would hit it again when I wanted to type lowercase. I did this until I came to learn that the shift key performed the same function, and I only had to hit it once, which improved my typing speed (I'm still in grade school at this point). This is a significant, because this is the exact time that the caps lock key became obsolete to me, the everyday computer user.

Now, I understand that it's probably useful for programmers, who might have to type long sequences of code in capital letters, and don't feel like holding shift down, presumably because their other hand is holding a 24oz Code Red Mountain Dew. Or maybe a Bawls. I get that. But having that key readily available on a keyboard has bred a generation of internet fuckwads, who type every sentence with caps lock enabled. And unapologetically, at that. And I know I'm not the only person who has the piss annoyed out of them by people like this.

Maybe I'm being unreasonable about this, but I doubt it. When I see something written in all capitals, I imagine that it's being screamed at me. Maybe that's because I read books when I was a kid (I imagine that people who utilize caps lock constantly didn't read much), whatever. But I don't like having things screamed at me. Can you imagine? If someone yelled everything that they had to say? If every thought was vocalized at the highest possible volume? What would that sound like?

It would sound like this.

In chatrooms and other internet forums, there's a saying "CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL", which is used to mock fuckheads that type entire posts in caps. My best interpretation of this would be that the poster believes that using caps lock will make his post more meaningful, or "cooler". And since caps lock keeps everything you type in caps, it keeps the post at a certain level of "coolness", in much the same way that cruise control keeps your car at a certain speed. So saying that "CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL" would be like saying that using caps lock ensures that your post is worthwhile and meaningful. Or whoever first said it could have used the term "cruise control" simply for the alliteration. I don't know. Internet history tends to get lost in the shuffle.

The moral of the story here, folks? Don't type everything in caps. It makes you look douchey, arrogant, and uneducated.

How the cast of Jersey Shore would type, if they knew how to read.

Andy Chapman: Really?

The Lockport Union Sun & Journal wrote an interesting little article today regarding the vote on extending the contract for the Molson Canal Concert Series. For any out-of-towners who might stumble upon my little space here, this is a free concert series that plays every Friday in downtown Lockport, and actually attracts some big names (in 2009 they brought in Charlie Daniels, The Cult, and Our Lady Peace, just to name a few) and crowds (the Our Lady Peace show reportedly drew more than 30,000 people, which is one of the reasons I thought Jim's Steak Out should be placed downtown). All told, it's a great thing for my little town to have. It brings interest, and it brings the bars and restaurants money. It fills hotel rooms. Even to the most untrained eye, it is unquestionably a good thing for the city of Lockport.

Yeah, people like it.

But for some reason, Andy Champan (Alderman, R-4th ward and self-professed Christian) was one of two members who voted "no" to the contract extension for the series. So what, you ask, makes a man vote against something that is unquestionably a positive for his city? Because one of the promoters of the series, Kathy Paradowski, is a minor owner in a gentleman's club, and he does not believe that the city should stand to do business with someone who "exploits women". He went on to say that his vote is "based on a moral stance", and that he wanted to delay the vote so that he could dig a little further into Paradowski's activities.

And so I say: Really, Andy Chapman? I'm all for knowing who you're getting into bed with, but let's be serious. She is a minor (less than 20% owner) of a gentleman's club. She's not a drug dealer. She's not doing anything illegal. She isn't even managing the club. Who cares? She also owns a restaurant, Syro's in Lewiston. Are you going to boycott that because of her business parterships? If you want to do that yourself, that's your decision. However, when you're a member of the Common Council, you're not just acting on behalf of yourself. You have a population of people that elected you to represent them, and trust me, not everyone shared your irrational fear of strip club owners. I'm just glad that the other larger figures agree with me and that Chapman is in the minority.

Look, if you want to be religious, that's your right. But you have to be able to put aside your religious beliefs if you're in politics, and take an objective look at things. Even if Paradowski ran the lowest sort of strip club you can imagine, and did it on her own, the fact would remain that a) what she's doing is very legal, and b) she has been very good at promoting a series that has been very good for the city of Lockport. And this series doesn't deserve to be threatened because of Andy Chapman's moral code. So please, Andy Chapman, if you can't check your religious beliefs at the door and do your job like a responsible politician, then get out of politics. In the meantime, quit threatening my city because of your "morality". If I want someone's religion pushed on me, I'll start listening to that group of people on the corner telling me how I'm going to hell because I like to go to concerts. Who knows, maybe I'll see you handing out pamphlets with them this summer.

And for anyone who's curious, the second "no" vote was Jack Smith, who apparently doesn't have an issue with the concert series, but also didn't see a reason not to investigate further since the new contract doesn't kick in until 2011. The vote did pass, and the series will stay in Lockport through at least 2013.

Jim's Steak Out is Coming

Hello again, everyone. Hope you had yourselves a merry little Christmas and a happy New Year. This Christmas, I got the best gift I could have ever asked for. Was it the turtle rock that's too small for my turtle? No. How about that digital camera? An excellent gift, but still not what I'm talking about, no. I'm talking about Jim's Steak Out coming to Lockport.

It's like the answer to my prayers.

To say that I am pleased with this development would be a massive understatement. I'm goddamned ecstatic about this. Jim's has, since I first tried myself a Hot Bleu three or four years ago at the recommendation of one Pat McDonald, been my favorite sub shop. I haven't been able to find a place that comes close. The subs can be pricey, but frankly, you get what you pay for. If I wanted a weak sub that tasted pretty bland, I'd hit up Subway for one of their $5 footlongs. This isn't Subway. It's Jim's Goddamned Steak Out. Chuck Norris would eat there. And he wouldn't even collapse the building afterward, because - and this is key - he would want to come back.

That thumbs up and winning smile means you can keep your ass.

Yes, another staple of Buffalonian cuisine, and possibly the one with the most quality, makes its way into my humble town. The Union Sun & Journal reports that the Lockport Jim's has a target date of January 18th for the grand opening. I might consider getting my tent out and camping in front of the store the night before so I can be the first to order, like the consumer whore that I am. But can you blame me? Now I can have hot, fresh Jim's on my lunch break! The days of driving 25 minutes with the sole objective of downing a tasty Jim's Stinger are over!

Om nom nom.

Now, I have to admit the location is a bit suspect. If you know Lockport, it's going into the old Starbuck's location in the Office Max Plaza (you might still call it the K-Mark plaza like I do). That doesn't seem right to me. I believe, and at least one blogger agrees, that Jim's Steak Out looks weird in a plaza environment. It belongs in a more, shall we say, "urban" setting, like the locations on Elmwood and Chippewa. When I first heard the rumor, I figured it would go in near the Ulrich City Center, so it would be in close proximity to Gonzo's and Taboo, thus capturing the bar scene that other Jim's locations thrive under. It isn't, which is a little disappointing to me, but I'll get over the disappointment, largely because Lockport is going to have a Jim's Steak Out. And honestly, having it in the plaza makes it closer to my apartment. So every bit of this news is good news.

I do know one thing though: This development is going to ruin my New Year's resolution.

It's going to be like King Fupa and the Fupa Troopers all up in here.